Except, she didn’t and she wasn’t. Abusers are cunning like that and it’s all part of the abuse, especially from Narcissistic Mothers. They are really really good at hiding their cruelties from the rest of the world so that when you speak up, they can throw themselves into martyr mode with accompanying “Woe is me”.

You see, a truly devoted mother wouldn’t do the things my egg-donor has done and tried to do to me.

Mothers don’t get their 10 year daughters to take racy pictures of them in lingerie for their husbands.

Mothers don’t isolate their children from the rest of their entire family via lies, threats and gaslighting.

Mothers don’t destroy their daughter’s self-esteem by denigrating their daughter’s every accomplishment and by telling their daughter that she won’t attend any function or performance because it’s not worth anything and it doesn’t matter.

Mothers don’t punish differences of opinion, at all, and especially not with ‘banishment’ from the mother’s life.

Mothers don’t scream into the phone that they never want contact again and their daughter is worthless and selfish because their daughter said that their grandchild simply didn’t enjoy an activity that the mother does.

Mothers don’t fly into fits of rage and threaten daughters with brooms and then proceed to destroy stereo systems with the broom.

Mothers don’t totally erase all traces of their daughter in the home when their daughter makes the decision to go live with their father, even to the point of the daughter having to sleep on an air mattress when she comes for a visit two weeks later.

Mothers don’t blame abuse their daughters endure on their daughter, nor do they turn a blind eye to it.

Mothers don’t base their love for their daughter on how well their daughter ‘toes the party line’.

Mothers inform their daughter of life-changing events, like when the mother gets engaged, BEFORE they inform their friends, especially when the daughter is still in school and living at home.

Mothers don’t make their 12 year old daughter totally responsible for her own laundry, including ironing without some kind of instruction and guidance.

Mothers don’t expect their daughters to know how to run a household and be a productive member of society without some kind of instruction in those kind of things.

Mothers don’t punish their daughters for not automatically knowing these things.

Mothers don’t physically assault their adult daughters because they miss them so much and their life is hard right now.

See,  I could go on, but it would be just pointless. I don’t have to prove that I was abused by a Narcissist, not to anyone. I don’t have to prove that her carefully constructed image was a lie. I know it was, I lived it.

Fear and silence are an abusers favourite tools, but you see, I’m no longer afraid and I’m no longer silent.

I’m No Contact and have been since May 14th, 2010 when she physically assaulted me, broke my US cell phone and basically left me stranded more than 50 miles away from the airport with my son (her only grandchild) and 4000 miles from my home. This was 24 hours after I told her that we simply did not have spare cash for her and she would have to wait until after school to start for me to find a job and buy her wedding set from her.

I’ve spent my life believing that I’m less and I’m a failure and all she ever wanted was for me to succeed in life. What she didn’t tell me was that my success had to be on her terms.

If you disagreed with her opinions, you were bad mouthed behind your back and if she needed you for something, it was sunshine up your ass until your hair glowed.

She isolated me from the rest of the family and told me how lower class they were and I wasn’t to be like them at all, ever.

She told me that I had never told her about the sexual abuse because I probably enjoyed it, but I have copies of MSN convos she had with my DH just a year ago where she blamed herself and it was all her fault and oh my, how horrible she felt about letting me down as a mother.

When I told her that we were moving to Europe because it was the only option left to us in light of the failing US economy, she screamed that I was just moving over here to sit on my ass and do nothing. Never mind that DH had been without a job for 3 years and I was making $12 an hour. I was told that by bob, SHE had survived as a single parent making a lot less than I did and I was just lazy.

She set me up for failure. She never taught me how to run a household, budget, or even be a girl. Any activity I did was boring or inconvenient. Always an excuse to not attend. She threatened to not attend my HS graduation because I “didn’t really accomplish that much.” Despite the fact that she was an 8th grade dropout.

She told me my senior year that she’d never pay a dime for me to go to college, but 20 years later, it was all, “Oh I would have paid, but you chose to move out.” Never mind that when I turned 18, she told me she thought it would be better if I moved out.

Since she hated being a housewife for 2 years, anyone that is a housewife is lazy or ‘ignoring their potential’. Since SHE thinks public transportation is only for trash, if you use it and enjoy it, you’re lower class.

The kicker is, when all this went down, I called my step-dad. They’ve been divorced now for about 5 years, but like that stops her from sucking his savings dry. I told him that we had gotten into it, and she had assaulted me and would he please some take me to a hotel so I could get to the airport the next day.

He didn’t want to get involved and refused to answer anymore of my phone calls. Then he had the nerve to get angry with me after I told him we were through.

I’m not perfect, but I have worth. And for those members of my family that think I’ve run away from my responsibilities to another country, get a life. The only thing I left behind in the US was a woman who doesn’t and will never deserve the title of ‘Mother’ And oh, by the way, she talks plenty of shit about you, too. Mostly about how much she did for you and you’ve yet to repay the favor.

Actually, now that I think about it, she says that about most of her nieces and nephews. Except for the ones she calls trash, or fake.

I’m your creation.

You molded me with precision and care.

Every crack and flaw formed with delicate hatred



Do not claim that you know me not,

I’m yours inside and out

Make no mistake,

Gestated in the embrace of your long practiced apathy.



Do not claim to fear me,

For in me lies your blackness

Your venom, your vitriol.

Bequeathed with loving seething rage.



You called the steps, you wrote the tune

So do not weep when I perform to perfection

The lurid, grotesque dance macabre

Engraved upon my heart with your blood



You have no cause to grieve,

You’ve lost nothing.

Revel in your triumph

Rejoice in your success.

You have done well.

Mother.

I ignore a lot from my friends on Facebook and I don’t mean that in a “I don’t give a crap about you.” way. It just means that I have count a lot of people as friends that have really different viewpoints from my own. I don’t share a religion with ANY of the people I went to school with. My political leanings are far left. I’m a truly dedicated omnivore. I drink, I smoke, I drop F-bombs.

I try to be non-judgmental and sometimes I fail, but I got better.  I take people for what they are and I was proud of my tolerance. I mean, it doesn’t bother me if my Christian friends pray for me. I’m sure I can use all the help I can get. And I don’t care if you think I’m a socialist. I probably am.

Today, however, I hit my limit of tolerance and it wasn’t something I expected to happen on my Facebook. Someone I went to school with, a preacher, posted that he was so disgusted that Obama declared a LGBT month and then went off on a rant about how godless Obama was. Blah Blah Blah, Something about God. I was shocked. And then I got pissed. Because seriously, do you honestly think, in your heart of hearts, with all the utter bullshit going on out there today and what has gone on in the past, that anyone in their right minds would CHOOSE to be LGBT? Do you think anyone would knowingly choose to be cast out of their families or spiritual homes, denied a legal partnership with the person they love, or to become a victim of a hate crime because Teh Gayz is the new Black?

I know a lot of LGBT people and you know what? They are just like me. They eat, breathe, piss, shit, love, hate, cry, laugh, work, play, are geniuses, or dumb as hell. Yeah, I can manage the last two sometimes simultaneously, I’m that damn good. And in this huge fight for LGBT rights, I’ve never once heard that community ask for anything I was denied.

Exactly what is wrong in giving every single citizen of this world the right to choose whom they grow old with? What is wrong with stopping discrimination based on who occupies their bed at night as long as both parties are of legal age and it’s consensual? What is wrong with letting every single man and woman enjoy the exact same rights as their neighbor, co-worker, classmate, person sitting beside them on the bus? Tell me honestly, how will this group of people having the same rights as I do worsen my life?

When I read this guy’s post on Facebook, I got angry and I didn’t even think twice about unfriending this person. I was disgusted and disappointed. And I do not unfriend people for one stupid remark. This went beyond stupid, though. This was hatred and bigotry, pure and simple.

Yes, I’m being judgmental and I usually don’t like it when I fall below my admittedly high standards. I do my best to force myself to grow and learn and go beyond the ordinary and for me, intolerance is sub-standard behaviour.

But this time, I really think I’m ok with it.

Let’s go back a bit. I’m American, born and bred. Like many of you, I complained about wasteful spending, illegal immigration and immigrants not speaking English, high taxes, welfare babies and education.  I’ve worked hard in my life and paid my taxes and supported my troops. The only way I’ve failed in being an American is by not questioning my politicians harder.

I’m not Christian. That’s my choice, just as being Christian is a choice that many of you have made. Like most people, that has coloured my political views. However, that has never changed my stance on religion in schools, or government. The US is far too diverse to give any one religion precedence over another and I believe this is one reason that our Founding Fathers wanted a government free from religion. Religion is a deeply personal thing and as such, it should be taught by the parents. If, as a parent, you want a more faith-based education for your child, then you should be willing to pay for a private religious school or homeschool your children.

Another thing I’m failing to understand is the fear and hate mongering that suddenly seems to be acceptable behaviour from the Right.  I’ve seen t-shirts for sale that wish death on a duly elected officials.  I’ve seen public figures call natural disasters “the work of God”.  I hear elected officials play “the boy who cried wolf” with health care reform.  I hear of lawyers filing frivolous lawsuits over Obama’s place of birth while nothing is ever said publicly about the fact that John McCain was indeed born outside of the US.  I see hypocrisy on a grand scale and I weep.

When did my country become a hotbed of hatred and fear? When did it become almost a crime to be different? A different race? A different religion? When did it suddenly become ok to be an immature sore loser?

Some I know have called me a ‘bleeding heart liberal’ and a ‘socialist’ because I do support more social programs from the US govt. I know that no matter what, there will always be those that feel the need to abuse those programs and yes, in some ways that does make me angry. That will never change my belief that there are certain things that should be available to all. This includes medical care, dental care, unemployment payments that will allow a family to actually live instead of barely scrape by.  I believe that higher education should depend on your scholastic aptitude and not your parent’s bank account. I believe there should be more government funded activity programs to get our kids off the streets, from behind the TV and on the way to self-respect and respect for others.  I believe in re-education programs for the unemployed to help them find a good paying  job. I believe that most single mothers are not single mothers by choice and they should receive parenting training and sex education if needed as well as some help to get them off welfare. Sadly, it’s more profitable for many of them to stay on welfare because once they find any kind of job, all welfare stops and they end up losing that job because they can’t afford reliable child care. I believe in more protection for our workers. I detest this ‘right to work’ thing that too many states have going on.  I want our working mothers and father to not have to take unpaid maternity/paternity leave. I want our working parents to not fear losing their jobs because a child is sick. I want more part-time work available to working mothers that includes vacation time and sick leave.  I want there to be help with child care for working mothers and low income families.

I want there to be more focus on fixing our problems at home and less on forcing our ideals and culture down another country’s throat. I want the government out of my bedroom and my uterus.

After all of this, I still don’t know where I stand. I do know that I’m angry, sad, and heartbroken. My country that I have loved all of my life is gone and what once was a shining beacon of hope throughout the world is now a sad shadow of what it once was.

Finally. *grins*

Tomorrow the world will right itself as husbands go off to work and children go back to school and mothers across the region will wave everyone off with a tear in their eye and when the door is closed…they will dance down the hall and enjoy the first solitary cup of tea of the new school year.

This has been a great summer. The weather has cooperated for the most part. We spent two weeks in the south of France, enjoying the beach and the sun. It was a nice resort but I think that next summer, we’ll go to Croatia.

I’ve been pretty busy with J’s football team and the football club in general. We’re all working hard on recruitment, training and the not so fun behind the scenes stuff that come with any organization. I’m having a great time and J is having a blast playing. It’s a really good thing for both of us.

Knitting is knitting. I’m working on a pair of socks for an old friend from high school’s wife. He saw  them on my Facebook and thought his wife would like a pair. Of course I said yes! Any wife with a husband that thinks of her like that deserves the joy of handknitted socks. I’m also working on an Alice Starmore sweater for both E and J. I love her patterned stuff and her colourwork stuff is just inspiring. Between her and EZ, I’m wanting to become a better knitter. That’s not a bad thing.

It doesn’t matter how long I’m here, the entitlement attitude and general whiny-ass outlook of some expats never ceases to amaze me. One thing I’ve learned is that our own attitude towards life determines our success and/or failure in life. Life as an expat/immigrant is hard. No doubt about that. Especially when you move to country with a different language than your own mother tongue. Cultural differences can be frustrating and confusing at best and maddening at worst. If you are invited by a country to come work there, I think it’s only right to expect that country to sweeten the pot a little. After all, they need your skills and expertise. So yes, tax breaks and usually economic perks are the norm.

But if you move for a relationship, then no, you’re not going to get those breaks. You choose to come here for love. You’re not actually bringing anything to your new country of residence. That’s especially true if you refuse to learn the language. And if you refuse to learn the language or accept that things are not ‘just like home’, don’t be surprised if your life here is extremely hard. Furthermore, if you can’t be bothered to do those things, don’t be shocked when finding employment is even harder. Companies don’t want people that reek of negativity and loathing for their surroundings. And if it’s a matter of survival for your family that you work, you walk into every interview radiating hope and enthusiasm, no matter what the position is.

I know I complain sometimes about the long hours E works. It gets lonely sometimes and frustrating. But at the end of the day, I’m proud of him. He works hard and provides for his family. I’m a lucky woman to be married to such a man. I may not have everything my heart desires but I have everything that I need and a good bit of what I want. And at the end of the day, my washing machine works, if it breaks, I can replace it and I’m not getting cash advances off our credit card to go to the laundromat.

I’ve always been a firm believer in following your life dreams, but at some point in time, if you have to choose between your dreams and supporting your family, you choose your family. Doesn’t it just suck being a grown-up?

Tomorrow we’ll take J to his first day at his new school. Then I’ll bike over to the gym to register my fat tookus and hope that by Christmas, I’ll have lost some of this extra baggage I’m carrying around. Then I’ll come home, work on laundry and see if I can get this house back into the school year routine. It’s going to be a bit different this year, since J won’t be coming home for lunch. I’ll miss him but I’ll also cherish the quiet time to get things done.

What oh what has the Jackal been up to? A lot, actually.

I’ve been managing my son’s American football team.

Alphen Eagles Peewees

I’ve been knitting. But of course no picture right at this moment.  I’ve been planning cookouts. Working on my Dutch. And contemplating.

So, what have you been up to?

Once upon a time there was a Young FolkSinger. He was a skinny kid with a funny name. His first “hit” was an 18 minute long song detailing his arrest for littering and subsequent fiasco at the local NYC draft office. He sang about a church and his friends who lived in the bell tower. He sang about motorcycles and pickles. And he sang his father’s songs. He played at Woodstock. His story-telling talent is beyond compare. Even being arrested is an Adventure with the Folksinger.

His musical lineage is beyond compare. His father was the Original Folksinger. His home and life were filled with music from the moment he was born. He’s brought that music to the world. And to me.

I first heard the Folksinger when my mom decided I needed more musical education than the Top40 crap spewing from the airwaves. So I grew up listening to things like Crosby,Stills, Nash and (somtimes) Young, Alice Cooper, The Beatles, and…….. The Folksinger. I have the Folksinger on vinyl. I also have quite a Folksinger collection on mp3. I’m sitting here trying to figure out exactly how to tell people what the Folksinger means to me. And it’s not easy.

He’s not just a story about the draft. He’s a Folk Hero too. He devotes his time to worthy causes, including spreading his music through the world. His music is what touches me the most. His voice is ……… unique. He kindles a love for old American folk songs that is undeniable. His new American Folksongs are works of art that touch you regardless of age, socio-ecomonic status, race, color or creed. I have a dog named after the Folksinger. Mom says that why the dog won’t stay out of the trash. In my house, we have a saying…… “That’s just Arlo.” And sometimes……. that’s all you can say.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed
for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the
snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then
you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you
will forget about the tooth ache.

8. AND….. Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of
Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If
it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t,
use the duct tape.

9. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another
chance!

11. And finally… Be really good to your family and friends. You
never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

“Thought for the Day: Our days are happier when we give people a
bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind”.

Not responsible for use and/or misuse of the above statements and/or advice.

I’ll try to get Part 2 of Govt.  101 up tomorrow. I got colder than I thought at practice and it’s hard to compose when you can’t feel your toes.