1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic.
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto!
The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed
for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the
snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then
you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you
will forget about the tooth ache.

8. AND….. Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of
Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If
it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t,
use the duct tape.

9. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another
chance!

11. And finally… Be really good to your family and friends. You
never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

“Thought for the Day: Our days are happier when we give people a
bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind”.

Not responsible for use and/or misuse of the above statements and/or advice.

I’ll try to get Part 2 of Govt.  101 up tomorrow. I got colder than I thought at practice and it’s hard to compose when you can’t feel your toes.